Starting off with the update, I've deleted most of my blog posts as i found that they weren't worked as hard on anymore, i found that i had not enough time for the blog. But my blog was where i started and i don't want to chuck away this. so I've deleted most of my posts, one post is still up and i will post way more with much more detail and effort. there is also a new link for the blog as you probably can already see floralquisha.blogspot.com/.co.uk,
I hope you understand Quisha x
Anyways To todays actual post! i went shopping recently to Lush and Boots! i don't regularly go shopping as I find there are too many crowds and it overwhelms me, always ends up in a panic. I felt like giving it a try as i haven't been out of the house in 2 weeks due to anxiety. do not think I'm mental and Sad. I know anxiety and depression is a part of me but don't judge the way I feel.
So anyways, I went with my mum to town (yes i did, doesn't mean I'm not ''cool'' in your eyes) Anyone is intitled to go to town or where ever with their family, you only live once so make the time you have with the people you love.
We got in the car and decided to park at our local mall. We parked up and I started to feel a big panic as it was a dark parking area and it was very very busy. When I'm not used to things i haven't seen or something in a while I get very anxious, this is why i need to push myself to do more stuff more and say yes more often.
So we parked up, i told mum i felt panicky and i ended up having my eyes turn blurry, i got my rescue remedy spray out and took a lot a lot a lot of sprays without noticing. It took a while to kick in.
walking to lush, i felt the pressure of Vlogging, i hadn't done that in a while and i needed to keep updated. But then i thought in my head, Anxiety or the internet? I obviously found my anxiety was the more important option. I still felt that pressure. I got my iPhone out of my bag whilst walking, i kind of held the phone on front camera recording, i held the phone tight to my tummy, so i was Vlogging Where i was. I pressed my phone quickly and hardly to my tummy as my tummy had a seriously bad stomach pain. Now when you think your going into an anxiety attack you think ''Oh my goodness I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, whats happening to me'' And thats how i felt when i should've known that stomach ache could've been a symptom that i was feeling anxious.
We then walked past a girl, looked about seventeen. She was wearing a white jumper and was wearing a pink handbag to her right arm. As she walked past me, she seemed like she was talking to her friend about me and looking at me. I then felt panicky even more as I have forms of social anxiety. Mum told me that she wasn't talking about me, it was my imagination and my anxiety or mind playing tricks on me. I then carried on walking. My heart was beating fast, i got very bad pins and needles, i felt very very hot (although the air conditioning was on full blast as my mum says) and i had serious pins and needles. I started to slow down and my mum new i felt anxious, we came out of the mall and became into the actual town. Mum was very supportive and motivational. She told me 'it was okay and that the quicker we are there, the quicker we are out and some other stuff' i can't remember too well.
We then saw that boots was open on the way there. Mum had to go in for emergency reasons, yes sanitary towels, we all go through it haha! When we were there we saw an Ile which had no one in it, we stopped in there and mum told me some motivational speech which some how made me feel reassured. I took another two sprays of rescue remedy forgetting i took quite a few in the car. mum picked me up a random item from the soap and glory and said something about if i buy you this do you think you can get to lush and back. of course mum didn't need anything from lush but she wanted me to give it a go. note: she is very supportive but every parent must give their kids/teens a push in life or else i would be like this forever and i would be proud of myself afterwards. We then made our way to lush.
On the way to lush it wasn't that busy which was a surprise. I got into the lush shop and picked up about 2 bath bombs. To be honest I don't like my lush shop as its very small and smells discusting. i felt okay as my mum and i were the only ones there. Suddenly this hole crowd of young girls (my age maybe) came inside. i then just stepped back and found myself in a corner where i couldn't find my mum, then i had a panic attack. It was clostaphobic enough.
We then just went to the till and went. Although it wasn't entirely successful I'm really proud of myself for what i did. this is a huge achievement. Although i may sound like a baby but I used to be able to do these things but now anxiety isn't the greatest thing. Sorry if this post didn't fit your needs.
Anyways hope you enjoyed this post, The Video blog will be listed below and ill see you soon <333 Byeeee xxxx
PS: Sadly i couldn't get the Vlog up so check out y Vlog channel ''planet Quisha'' here are some pics instead.
